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Yet he wanted to share with me what he thought was “tough”, to fulfill some belief he held in proper male child rearing. I was focus, the only boy, the baby, with two older sisters to teach me their values with far more time for me than he ever made available.I guess I accepted the ideology of his claimed history which we children were allowed almost no detail of. He rarely spoke of his own hardships. He and his older sister ran away from home to head west from Montana, to survive on their own closer to the Pacific coast and to get away from a drunken father. So, if he could survive then I was expected to as well.I lay there in the cold for a few minutes, wanted to go back to sleep but then decided I better get up and look like I was busy even though nobody was watching.Light from the loading dock filtered in the window and I moved the curtains aside to let more in. Although I assumed nobody was coming back I donned the stiff work boots purchased just for this summer job. I wanted to. Who really knows? It didn’t last that long anyway.After watching enough beautiful women pleasure enough spectacular cocks to powerful eruptions, I started having familiar cravings… there was still so much I needed to experience! I desperately wanted to suck and stroke another man’s cock to completion, to feel spurt after spurt gushing into and overflowing my mouth, to drench my own cock with a pumping fistful of his hot cum. Ugh!I finally reached out to Nick by the end of that November and apologized for not contacting him sooner. He was understanding, and our attempts to schedule future encounters resumed… albeit unsuccessfully. While I was eager for redemption after my disappointing debut performance, lingering feelings of shame and embarrassment fueled my endless supply of excuses. Eventually, after months of my continual sabotage, Nick grew frustrated enough to block me on xHamster. But our severed friendship sparked a renewed determination: I would not back out again! I managed.
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